'Life as an Icon'

Welcome trash addicts to my inaugural biographical column 'Life as an Icon', the inner track to fame and fortune and your guide to celebrity enlightenment. In all my years as part of the business known as 'show', I've always been amazed by the immense amount of support and admiration I have received from my obsessed fan base.

Even as I'm in the process of writing this debut column a box of home baked cookies has arrived on my doorstep sent to me by one of my adoring fans, Mrs Mavis Rawhstone from Milton Keynes. Attached to the parcel is an envelope containing a perfume-scented letter, which reads;

'Dear Stevo, Happy 20th birthday! I'm sorry the card is 5 months late but congratulations on reaching two decades and I hope you success continues! Grandad will be visiting you this Friday to repair the gas connectors on your oven, here's some biscuits we brought from Tescos for our little tea party in February. Nobody was too keen on rich teas and we thought you would appreciate them, from gran.' What a lovely woman.

Its stevo fanatics like Mavis that have inspired me to return the warmth and support I have received over the years and help you guys make a success out of your lives, and perhaps achieve a modicum of my success. Each chapter of 'Life as an Icon' will chart my latest career direction, conversations with fellow celebrities and how I deal with the trappings that come with being one of the most talented, well known and loved celebrities of our generation.

By reading my modern day parables and understanding my superior knowledge and wisdom, you too will be able to love and respect yourselves nearly as much as you do me. My writings may help a few of you in becoming a star, not to my extent of course but you may be able to secure a spot on Countdown in the dictionary corner with my colleague Tom O Connor. For the majority of you however, your dreams and pleasures will be isolated, your only means of escapism will be living precariously through me.

Until next time…

Next weeks instalment- Best selling author, my guide to writing and publishing